In other news we’re going back to THE HOUSE OF BLUES on June 8th, 2012 to jam out with our buddies THE STEEPWATER BAND!!  You can get tickets from us now for the pretty little price of 12 bucks but if you wait until the show the price goes up 5 bucks so get at us now so we can hook you up WITH SOME OF THE GOOD STUFF…

We just put up a ton of new dates on our page so if your out there floating around the Midwest wondering when we’re gonna be up by you make sure you check the updated schedule!!  Just a few other things:

Michael celebrated his birthday on April 2nd.  He LOOKED LIKE THIS THE NEXT MORNING.

Patrick took a long needed vacation over Easter to St. Martin.  He is no longer welcome there.  Fools down there should have known better…BUT IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A BAND…

The Senator cut off his rock and roll mop.  He’s now going for a SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT LOOK…

Parker was finally forced to give in and seek employment due to his hard partying lifestyle.  He has now found a job as a BARTENDER at a Saloon in the loop that encourages BINGE DRINKING. God help us all.

Stay tuned…and in love-

GS-

“Oh NO!!  Don’t drink that!!!”  -Bud Johnson GS Engineer circa 2006 upon seeing Parker reach for a cup of laundry chemicals he mistook for water.  His warning was too late…

Pain.

That’s what I felt.  At first I figured, “I like to drink! To have a good time!  This is gonna be awesome!”  Then slowly I realized everything around me wasn’t what it seemed.  Things got a little hazy and quiet, and then my eyes started to water, and then my nostrils flared and I almost gagged.  What was this?

I figured I’d go with my friends to this little spot and we’d get a little crazy…no big deal.  It was what we’ve done ever since I was born.  After all everyone in my family is sent all over the world to the most exciting places, because everyone needs us!!  But this place was different ya know? Normally I just hang out with my guys and then end up floating around with someone holding me.  Occasionally it’s a guy…no big thing…but most of the time it’s a beautiful woman and for that I’m grateful.  But now I’ve been thrown into this hellish world and I’m terrified. I feel violated.  I’ve spent the last three months in this kind of stasis not really knowing who I was until last night.

Last night I was suddenly violently pulled from the darkness; and with a sharp, bursting pain I…well…popped.  Evidently some monster felt it was acceptable to kidnap me?  Then I was drugged?  And then fed to this maniac who actually laughed as he swallowed me almost whole!?  He even had the gall to claim he could use a few more of me before he went to work?  How dare this creature!!

Well I have nothing now.  I’m swimming in this vast primordial nothingness and I can see a few of my brothers drifting alongside of me in equally bad shape.  Thus with my last remaining breaths I must do my duty.  I shall find my way to the blackest of all holes in this nightmare and do what I do best.

I will exact my revenge on you sir.  And you will feel my pain, because this is one cherry you will not pop without repercussion.  I hope you had fun last nite at your little stop into my home, because by the time you read this you will be trapped.  Trapped in a small foul smelling room.  Crying. Crying for the decision you made to come to my world.  I hope it was worth it…

GS-

“I knew exactly what they were.  And that’s why I didn’t say anything until after you ate it…”  -Pat Luby

We’ve been asked by the gracious people @ House of Blues to come back on Saturday, March 3rd and open for Southside Johnny!!  We’ll be on once again @ 9pm and are playing for 45minutes so come on out if you missed out on Thursday!!  Tickets for Saturday are $29.50 in advance and $35.00 at the door…PLEASE JOIN US!?  Get em HERE!!!

We still have tickets FYI for tomorrows show with THE BROTHERS which is also @ 9pm and in case you don’t live in the hood on Friday we’ll be up @ Wilmot Mountain Ski resort for an all nighter in the Lodge Bar for their Winter Carnival event!!

Needless to say it’s gonna be a blast this weekend so come on out and hang…and legalize EVERYTHING!!!

See ya this weekend…

GS-

“I’ve spent most of my 20′s trapped inside a pipe.” -The Pope of Dope

Thank GAWD it’s Friday!!!  Work has been brutal this week.  We’ve traded over a billion dollars in foreign currency, mixed a ton of shitty student records, and fudged a ton of bunk tax returns.  In addition we’ve also poured about 500 draft brews and picked up 200 pounds of dog shit, so as you can imagine we’re a bit exhausted.  We did manage in between all that to book another trip to the HOUSE OF BLUES next Thursday at 9pm, so if you don’t have too much goin on we’d love it if you join us??  We’ll be opening for  THE BROTHERS who are a badass ALLMAN BROTHERS tribute band.  Our good buddy Nick “Dr. Fretgood” Peraino and his band NICK AND THE OVOROLS will be getting things goin @ 8pm and we’ll follow him @ 9pm.  The Brothers will follow @ 10pm.  We got tickets to sell and they’re only 10 bucks so get at us as they’ll be $13 at the door.  Should be a hoot.  We’re PUMPED.

Tonight we’re at CHUCK’S VOODOO LOUNGE for our monthly ho down which’ll get goin around 9:30pm.  We plan to bury BBQ and then attempt to play swampy blues grooves while snorting Mac and Cheese.  And as an internet only offer anyone who snorts any Mac in front of us at the show tonight gets a free CD, sticker, and limited edition 2011 Aquapalooza T shirt!!  Hook it up!!

WILMOT MOUNTAIN next FRIDAY (switched from it’s original date of March 3rd) and after that we’ll be releasing online our live shows from January…man…

…isn’t it a great time to be a GREENSUGAR FAN??

Much love,

GS-

Today being Thursday we feel it our duty to inform you of the host of activity that GREENSUGAR is involved in this weekend:

TONIGHT:  Thursday, Feb. 16th, 2012.  There is rehearsal at the studio this evening at 7pm.  We are considering working on new material, and talks continue about transposing some of Bach’s later work into a drum/percussion breakdown.  We plan to smoke and discuss.  Cocktails are a strong possibility. As is plugging. See below.

Friday Feb. 17th, 2012.  We’ll b heading both North AND west to pop our cherry at one of Chicago’s newest hot spots THE CHICAGO SPORTS HUB.  It’s located at 3809 N. Harlem and we’ll be playing from 9pm onward to infinity and beyond.  We are most excited about playing somewhere fresh and new and  hope you’ll join us for some shooting, jamming, and some late night streaking…

Saturday Feb. 18th, 2012.  Drifting back down towards our home neighborhood we’ll be likewise de-virginized at another new club called BULLHEAD CANTINA.  Located at 1143 N. California, this neighborhood dive bar has a killer menu and some dangerous specialty cocktails courtesy of one Mr. RYAN STAGG.  We’ll most likely get going over there around 10pm and should play until the bartenders start to melt, as the distance from the drums to the bar will be about 8 feet.  It’s a quaint little place that has one REALLY AWESOME DAYTIME BARTENDER so stop by and check it out.  After all, where else better to see GREENSUGAR than in a small, intimate setting??

We hope February is treating you right, and that you are keeping up with your winter tan!  Patrick has been doing a lot of topless dog walking of late due to the temperate forecasts so be sure to keep an eye out on Lincoln Ave. for the shirtless Abercrombie model looking guy walking a few mangy hounds and a poodle.  Mike is feeling a bit under the weather but promises to bring his A game for the weekend, as he lives to play live in small settings.  Word around the campfire is that Ortiz will have successfully picked up the pieces from last weekends train wreck just in time to derail once again.  And the Sleaze has been lurking around the studio for resin all week so we’re confident he’ll be both focused and prepared for the adventure ahead.  Finally Parker called and begged me to pass this message along to all the fans, and so we’ll leave you in peace with this…

“Hey Gang!!  I’m really pumped to see you all this weekend!  All your letters and emails have been really inspiring!!  The doctors says if I continue to improve today and tomorrow they may even loosen my jacket enough to let me play a little guitar this weekend!!  They don’t seem to understand EUBALDO can do all this for me even when I am restrained but hey,  docotrs don’t know EVERYTHING right? I’m gonna take a nap now…follow me on Twitter!! Bon Voyage!!”

Much Love,

GS-

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” -Rudyard Kipling via Colonel Mustard

Howdy all you fine ass peoples out there!!  It’s January in Chicago and its COLD COLD COLD out there so bundle up and drink up and smoke up and make sure you tune in to what my boys in da Sugar are up to…and may it do ya fine say Thank ya…

Check me out:

"Clap for the wolfman..."

Check out Parker Wednesday the 25th from 6-8pm doin his acoustic thang over at BOTTLES AND BOTTEGA on Lincoln Ave…he be sittin on the stage drinkin wine and noodling while all the arteeests get their swerve on…should be a gas…speaking of…you ever hear me theme song?? Check it…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u12xbLeMY6A

As far as the weekend goes the guys are down on the southside at CHUCK’S VOODOO LOUNGE on friday  @ 9:30 doin their monthly jam session down there, and then on Saturday they’re up @ WILMOT MOUNTAIN SKI RESORT in the Lodge bar rocking out @ 8pm for all the snow birds flyin high up there…YEEAAHHH….Dig it…

Next week Chicago St Pub in Joliet and the Bayou before the Super Bowl!!  Who ya got?  The Pats look solid, but the G-men look hungry….tough call…me thinks we’ll go with…

???

YEEAAHH…Rock on good soldiers…and much love,

GS & the Weed Wolf-

“Your young, your drunk, your in bed, you have knives; shit happens…”  -Angelina Jolie

Right?  Why are we celebrating the changeover into the last year of our planets existence?  Seems confusing.  Hopefully though, if shit does hit the fan the world will start over in a type of Conan the barbarian type world (the new one) where we’ll just ride around marauding and jam for people and then cut their heads off if they don’t like us. That would be fab.  And dragons rule.

It’s the year of the Water Dragon.  All hail Danny!!

In case you missed us here in Chi Town last weekend we had a hell of a time for Pat’s B day @ Blue Bayou.  Everybody got trashed and thanks to our new digital audio recording rig we have all of it on tape.  Including the two beautiful ladies who sat by the microphones and got wasted all evening…offering us a play by play on anything running thru their minds.  Things like, “And that was the second time I got crabs.” And, “Cock!!  Balls!!”  It’s some rich stuff to say the least.  We’ve added a bunch of new shows in Feb. and March.  Look to your right and check em out.  The trip back down to SXSW in Austin is almost nailed down so stay tuned, and our online show archive is almost done so keep an eye out for some live material that we’ll start posting from our shows this year!  We have the weekend off and we’re gonna use it to record some acoustic stuff and hone our skills w our new gear but we’ll be back out on the road next week up to Kalamazoo so pack your shit up and come ride…or sooner than later we’ll ride into your village and burn shit down and steal your women…

If it works for Conan, it works for us.

"What do you mean our bar tab's ran out!?"

Much love,

GS-

“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive.”  -Demitri Martin

That’s my greeting howl. Dig it.

So we made it! Another successful year! We all made millions of dollars and traveled the world doing the thing we love! Gosh what an experience…just some random thoughts on our last tour of the year…

When playing to room full of people concentrating intensely on their own works of art, try not screaming at the top of your lungs about drugs, infidelity or cursing.  The Wolf knows this obviously, but he just thought he might send it out there as it could be useful. In the meantime, Parker has been and will be continuing to play at an awesome spot called, Bottle & Bottega up on Lincoln Ave. where he is doing his acoustic thang. Basically, you roll in, bring a bunch of booze, and these cats set you up with a canvas, paint, and all the trimmings so that you can find your creative center. All while Parker croons in your ear. He’ll be there during the week a bunch after the New Year and on Valentines Day too so if you wanna enlist Parker to help you score on V day…well look no further!

Thursday we played an EXCELLENT corporate event down in St. Louis.  The peeps down there at Garden Villas South were super cool to party with and they went out of their way to make us feel at home. In fact they were so cool they offered us a room to crash in at one of their buildings…tho as we were a bit rowdy by late night and our neighbors were a bit on the older side we passed. Regardless great times and we’re hoping to ham it up for em next year!!

Friday we came back to Illinois and played out in the West Suburbs of St. Charles at an awesome bar called ALLEY 64.  THis place was AWESOME!! The place has huge ceilings, pool tables, a party deck and a ton of locals crawling around inside it so we went ahead and raged the spot all night. In fact, we’re gonna go ahead and record our next gig out there as the sound was so awesome so as we get closer to then we’ll let ya know and all you goofy sugar heads can come out and sit in on the recording!!  This is how we felt when we got home:

This is how we felt the next day:

Saturday brought us to Sheboygan, WI and an awesome little spot called THE GREEN ROOM PUB.  This is a legendary local bar up there that many of our current touring buddies hit on there way up towards GB. Of course we stopped in a field on the way up there and made balloons for all the local children:

but as they wouldn’t let us stay very long we just kinda high tailed it up to the bar. We had a great time, met some super cool peeps, and as it turns out, our bartender Geoff play in an awesome band and so if you’re in the mood for something just a hair heavier…check this dude out!!

Ultimately it was an excellent four days and we’ll be back at all of these spots in 2012 so if you missed us this last weekend mark your Calendars cuz if you don’t see us this next year you’re fucked as the world is ending in 2012. Seriously. The Mayans said so and I’ve smoked their shit and I believe em. Anyhow we’re gonna enjoy the holidays with our families and hope you all get the chance to do the same and we’ll be back in action @ BLUE BAYOU on Jan. 6th for Patrick’s B Day!! It’s a band favorite and a great way to get the year rolling and we’ll be RECORDING THE AUDIO as thanks to Progressive insurance the band will be starting it’s online archive of all of our live shows!! Of course we get our shit together 11 months before the world blows up right?? Eh well…might as well go huge!! Follow us on Twitter!!  Friend us on FB!!!

Please everyone be safe and thankful for all the wonderful people in your lives and make sure you get wrecked on New Years because the WEED WOLF says this’ll probably be your last one!!!   AWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Much Love,

GS-

“An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.” -Charles Darwin

ANYWAYS….We down @ CHUCK’S VOODOO LOUNGE on Friday Dec. 9th for our last BBQ laced jam session of 2011, so if you’re looking to tack on just a few more lbs. before the holiday season hits full swing we highly suggest you swing thru, as the Mac and Cheese there literally killed a guy last time we played there (OK so an Ambulance showed up…we’re just assuming he died).  We start around 9:30pm and play til 1am so come hang…should be fun???  Next Wednesday Parker is doing an, “Intimate acoustic show” @ BOTTLES&BOTTEGA for all the folks that’ll be in there trying to find their inner Van Gogh, so if you wanna see the lighter, quieter, side of GS you may wanna check that out. Show starts at 8:30pm. Basically people come in, sit down in front of an easel and paint…which are provided…bring a bunch of wine…and paint themselves silly while Parker sits on stage in the corner howling away. Several people have complained in the past that his singing has ruined their creative flow, but it was subsequently discovered that these people sucked donkey balls, so we discounted them…check it out??  Besides that we’ve got private Holiday parties on the 10th, and 15th, but on Dec. 16th we’ll be down at ALLEY 64 in St, Charles jammin for a new crowd of suburbanites, so if you live down that way come on out and help us loosen up the locals??  Just as incentive, if you walk up to Swedish and say, “I chief Skywalker.”  He’ll buy you a shot. Promise. The next night on the 17th we’ll be up in Sheboygan, WI @ a spot called THE GREEN ROOM PUB and the same drink special plays as we’ll be popping our cherry at this spot as well!! After that we’re gonna shut down the engines for the rest of the year and crush down a bunch of Nog until just after new years when we’ll get back into the swing of things with a B day party for Patrick @ our favorite little spot on the Northside the BLUE BAYOU!! That gig is on Jan. 6th (Pat’s actual B day) @ 10 pm and you won’t wanna miss this one as the last time we played on his B day he fell off his throne during our encore (luckily we had two drummers at the time)!!  Anyhow come on out and give the guy a hug and buy him a shot. It’s not easy being the world’s greatest drummer, so give him a bit of TLC eh???

Have an amazing time with your familes and friends and go ahead and buy all our shit on itunes for all your friends. We’re great stocking stuffers. In fact, if you’re looking for the perfect holiday gift, buy a bunch of fried shrimp and throw on Star Wars. Now that the Cleanse is done we’ll all swing over and get trashed on your booze and party with Skywalker for the low, low price of a buck eighty-five…

Much love,

GS-

“I like any reaction I can get with my music. Just anything to get people to think. I mean if you can get a whole room full of drunk, stoned people to actually wake up and think, you’re doing something.. . .”  -Jim Morrison

GREENSUGAR Circa December 2007...WTF!!??

As we motor on towards the final year of the Earth’s existence, we thought we’d bring you a hidden gem that until now has not been released to the general public.  Posted here, for the first time, is an interview with Terry the Turkey.  Terry was a local Turkey from the woods of Eastern Massachusetts…circa 1650…and when Channel 66′s  on the scene reporter, this man:

was sent back in time to get the scoop on the original Thanksgiving festivities, Terry sat down with him for a very honest and frank conversation about America’s favorite Holiday.

Colonel CC12: Terry, I appreciate you taking the time to sit down with me and talk Turkey.

Terry: Dude, we’re speaking English. You don’t speak Turkey. Idiot. And what’s with that helmet? Where’s your head dress?

CC12: The Network gave this to me. Anyhow, do you think it’s fair that once a year you become the target for genocide?

Terry: Absolutely not. Though lets be honest here, your use of the word “genocide” is a bit dramatic don’t you think? Hell if I didn’t know better I’d assume you were one of those opportunistic blowhard reporters from the distant future.  Anyways, Thanksgiving is a steaming pile of horseshit.  15 years ago my day consisted of rolling the underbrush looking for bitches and showing off my girth. Occasionally some fucking Indian would come whooping out of the woods with paint on his face all hopped up on mushrooms and charge at me, but those guys were such goons I’d just bark at em like a dog, real loud like this, “WOOF WOOF” and they’d slam on the brakes, freak the fuck out, and turn tail and run. Fucking stoners. THEN these white dudes suddenly show up.  They start cutting down the whole god damned forest and building these villages and they’re always praying and dressing like assholes…really lame shit ya know?  But all of a sudden, I’m rolling down Cranberry Bush Blvd. with my cousin Tito, and BLAM!! Tito goes flying backwards about 5 feet and his plumage is all over the place and smoking. So I’m like, “SHIT!!” And I get on my horse and haul ass out of there right? I’ mean I loved Tito, but that wasn’t no arrow, that was a fucking cannon right?? So I get back to my pad and jump on Facebook and I’m like, “YO!! Listen up!! The white dudes got a fucking cannon that’ll fuck you up!! So, If you’re out rolling for bitches be advised! And PS the cranberries outside Plymouth are bunk. I got brutal diarrhea from em.”

CC12: So whose to blame the Native Americans, or the White man for your species being targeted for Oblivion??

Terry: Dude, did you go to journalism school or something? Stop with the hyperbole OK? So damned dramatic. But in answer to your question yes, it was the Red man, not Whitey, who caused this.  In fact, my brother Trevor told me an awesome story.  He said one time he snuck into an Indian camp at 2:30am looking for some scraps from their feast…you gotta keep in mind these bozos were so ripped by 2:30 your dumb ass coulda rolled in there in that stupid looking helmet and they would of called you a “voice from the spirit world”

CC12: But the network gave me this…

Terry: Shut up Nipple Dick.  Anyhow, he sneaks into this village and he’s standing next to this TeePee when a domestic dispute breaks out between a couple inside. It goes along these lines:

Breaks with the Wind: I don’t understand why you’re being such a bitch about this!!  We just have to go over there for a few hours and pretend we like them. We’ll sit down, drink their mead…which is fucking awesome FYI…and then we’ll get the hell out! No Problem! Hell I do the same thing every time we go to your mothers place!”

Farts like a man: First of all, you’re an asshole!! You’d go to Shit’s like an Elephant’s bed if she had free Mead for you. Second, I just heard from Walrus Thighs that an agreement was reached to raid their village and burn it to the ground next week!  So why the hell are we taking our best Buffalo meat over to these fucking frauds when you’re just gonna scalp the bastards next Thursday!?

Breaks with the Wind: That is not fair. Shit’s like an Elephant has huge cans.  And every time I come back from the hunt she wears that deer skin that shows everything! What the hell am I supposed to do!? Not look!? Anyhow, yes it’s true we’ll be trashing their village next week, but they have representatives in from other, distant villages, and if we play nice and show them we aren’t a barbaric, warlike people, maybe they’ll leave us alone!

Farts like a man: You are a pig. You know that?? Fine I’ll go to this stupid party. I’ll go and I’ll drink all this mead you speak of. Hell maybe I’ll get wasted and sneak around back with that tall George Roberts dude. I heard from Lays with a toad that these men have huge members. Like snakes!  But I’ll tell you this: I’m not wasting one ounce of this meat on them. If you wanna go all Pot Luck and show up with food then fine. Go out tomorrow and get us one of those fat ass Turkeys. I’ll cook that rotten shit up and we’ll feed it to em and they’ll be none the wiser that it’s dried out forest vermin. In fact, once the sleeping sickness kicks in after the meal you guys should just waste em right then and there.

Breaks with the Wind: Farts like a man, you are wise. This is a good plan. You touch the white man’s snake and I’ll tear your tits off and eat them, but the Turkey idea is very…

Farts like a man: Oh shut up. Don’t think I don’t know about you and the Annie lady from the next village over. She shows up with some herbs and a bible and you suddenly become spiritual!?  Like you needed to spend 3 hours “praying” with her inside their Chapel.  Ur a dog. And I hope she caught the same thing you gave me becausde that shit burns like…

CC12: That is an amazing story Terry. So are you telling me people eat Turkey today because the Indians didn’t want to spare any of their finest meats??

Terry: Absolutely. My brother’s 38 years old.  He’s seen it all go down. Sadly though you white people are so stupid you seem to think bigger means better, and so he’ll probably get popped this year due to his size. Haven’t any of you idiots ever eaten Lobster? Don’t you know the biggest ones are usually old and tough? If I was you I’d have four different 5 pound Turkeys rather than one 20 pounder. The big ones taste like Urine. And only 2 legs for 15 people? Idiots. I’d shank a motherfucker over a good turkey leg. You had the one at Soldier Field? That thing is the best God damned thing I ever…

CC12: …Fascinating. What about the rest of the meal? The stuffing? Cranberries? Sweet Potatoes? How did those come to be such tradition?

Terry: You’re like the bimbo side line reporter who asks the coach, “Coach can you win this game if you keep turning the ball over?” you know that? Every question so obvious…

CC12: Terry that’s not fair.  My producer wrote these out for me…

Terry: Figures. She probably blew her way out of the Toledo affiliate right into that office at your station…Bitch…Ok OK Ok. Here’s the deal: All the sides on Thanksgiving are garbage. Stuffing? Simple. The women in the village always keep a scrap pile of old bread, fruits and vegetables to feed to the hogs. However once the plan was hatched to take all this food over to these walking dead, they figured, “fuck it” and just stuffed all the old crap inside the birds. Figured it’d be a good way to fatten up the enemy ya know? And Cranberries? C’mon man!! When have you ever heard of anyone wanting a hit of fruit straight to the face while eating meat. “Hey Larry, pass me the Cherries. I think I’ll have one in between bites of my Filet Mignon…”  FACT: Farts like a man was walking towards the feast when she spotted a bunch of cranberry bushes. She stops on the way, knowing these little bastards give you the shits like crazy, and loads up on them. Then when she arrives at the dinner, she smiles to the white women and says, “These make great side for Turkey!” And of course since all the white women are being forced to be nice to the Indian women by their husbands, they graciously except the cranberries and put them on the table. Even though in the kitchen you gotta know they’re going, “Stupid savages. Nobody wants cranberries with their meat. Oh well. Put em down by the men. I’m not eating that trash. It’ll probably give em the shits too. Bastards. They deserve it.”

CC12: You have a rather dark perspective on things Terry…

Terry: Well wouldn’t you!? Since the White man’s arrived my entire species has taken an utter beating! All because some greedy Indian bitch didn’t wanna part with her Buffalo meat. Which FYI is tough as shit! Oh and Sweet potatoes?? Those were the rotten ones the women in the village couldn’t use, so they sprinkled a ton of sugar and cinnamon on em and whipped em up with some food coloring and BOOM!! A star is born…

CC12: I love sweet potatoes!

Terry: You would. Fairy. Do the men in the military know your wearing that helmet? I’ll bet they’d whip your ass if they found out you were flying thru time drunk on Canadian Whiskey and wearing their Helmet.

CC12: But the Network gave…

Terry: Yeah yeah yeah, the Network gave it to you. I heard. Ok I’ve had enough of you. And for the record you stink like booze. Take a shower dude.  Here’s the bottom line: You people in the future are getting completely duped. Thanksgiving food is total shit the Red man brought to offer to an enemy people in hopes that they’d get sick and be weak for future battle. Do yourself a favor. Call up the REAL COLONEL, pick up a 30 piece…all dark meat…obviously…and get some mashed potatoes and gravy and some mac and cheese to go along with it. You’ll feel better, you won’t pass out, my species will thank you for it, and most importantly: You’ll save yourself some hard straining on the old can later that night!! Har Har!!

CC12: Brilliant.  Terry this has been a delight. Your insight into this topic has been invaluable. I dare say you may change the face of history with this compelling tale, and I, Colonel CC12, am proud to have been the first to break such epic…

Terry: Save it dude. Every Turkey knows this tale. Indians too. You’re just too arrogant to speak to Indians and your the first White man drunk enough to try speaking with a live Turkey. Way to go, Tom Brokaw.

THE END.

There you have it!!! Broken here on the GREENSUGAR web site!! The true story behind Thanksgiving!!!  Hope you all have an amazing time with your families this week, and remember: Somewhere out there in the deep woods there’s a Turkey and an Indian dude roasting a fatty and thinking…Stupid white people…now pass that joint Turkey!!  It’s Cold in this loin cloth!!

Much Love,

GS-

Terry. In all his glory…